Leaving

I guess the most dreaded part about saying bye and dropping you off is the home coming part. I am sitting in the driveway and stare at our front door. Painfully aware that you wont be home and wont come home for a long time I get out of the car and take a deep breath. This is the moment when our home becomes my enemy. I swallow hard and tell myself to be strong for my boys. As I pull Lael out of her car seat I get a climps at our sons. Junior is smiling at me as if he wants to encourage me, Israel is still complaining and crying that God did not say yes to his prayers of leaving you home, not having to go to Afghanistan. We make our way into the stairway and my gaze falls on the shoes, papers and uniforms you left behind. Looking at each other we agree to go straight to bed. Afterall, it is 1 am. And yet, I haven't made my most dreaded way yet. Our bedroom seems to be laughing at me as I walk in. Has this room always been this big? I hold on to Lael tightly and look at Isaiah who has made his way happily to the bed. At least I wont be alone tonight......