My cell phone lets me know I have a message. Frantically I run through the house yelling at everybody that I need a computer right now because you sent me a sms that you are online. My sisters laptop is up for graps and I panic as the computer doesn't let me sign in right away. I hope and pray I am not too late but there is that yellow smiley face beside your name as I finally manage to get online. I swallow hard as I hear you still ahven't made it to your final destination and I realize that you guys are behind on scedule. You were supposed to reach final destination on day 6. The news that you wont have any internet in your room leave my heart aching. We have never been in a situation like this before. With every deplyoment we had constant access to each other through the internet. I am not sure what to expect. The kids flogg in and want to speak to you but I am selfish today and bark my order for them to leave me alone at them. There isn't much time and soon you get offline. i mutter another prayer of thanks that you are safe and get up to change Laels' diaper. She must not like that you are not changing her anymore. She fights anyone changing her and holds her feet together tightly so we are barely able to whipe her or put another diaper on. I don't blame her. She is used to daddy changing her.
I pull the stroller out of the van and put the tires back on it. It is so much hotter here than at my mothers house. Nadine is nervous. She doesn't want to miss her friends performance. We head downtown and RJ complains because he wants to go to the pool. Of course we do miss the performance, but the kids find a few other things to do at the sport fest. Tyrell becomes part of a human foosball table and both boys try a new workout tool. (pictures will be added later)
Back at the house Lael keeps Oma busy. Oma has an idea of how she should go to sleep quickly in the stroller but Lael yells at Oma to go faster. And so what should have been a way of going to sleep has become a joy ride for Lael. Omas feet walk faster and faster in circles and Lael squeeks for joy and hold her hands out as if she wants to say look mom, no hands! (pictures to follow)
About 30 minutes later Lael is still not sleep and Oma is getting tired herself. Everytime Oma stops Lael looks back at her and yells. So Oma goes back at it much to Lael's joy. (pictures to follow)
I finally take her to bed and nurse her to sleep. I miss you and I am hoping that you were misinformed about the Internet.

Leaving in a haste

It's been a few days and as always, life just continues as if nothing major just happened in my personal life. Life doesn't seem to care too much about who I am missing or what occupies my mind. It just doesn't seem fair at times how the world keeps turning and demands my time while my own world has been turned upside down. But again, this might also be a good thing. Time seems to fly on my end. So much to do and so much to take care of. Our home school needed my full attention on Wednesday. Books and science kits and curriculum needed to be ordered and so I spent hours doing that. It feels like Christmas everytime I get to order something and I know once the packages get here, I will be happier than celebrating Christmas and birthdays on the same day. Not so sure how the kids feel, but hey I am happy when I get our school stuff.
Today I am heading for that dreaded meeting with the SGT Major. Before we get out of the car and into the building we pray. Then we make our way into the lions den. The meeting doesn't work out so well. I feel like I have been ordered here to listen and not to speak. I am constantly interrupted and finally I give in. Tears well up in my eyes, but I don't want my kids to get worried. As I leave his office desperation has me shaking. I dial our FRL's number and he is not happy about what was said. Hope is raising again. Maybe somebody does care... He is unable to help me today, but promiss to look into this first thing Monday morning.
After this initial shock I just want to get out. We storm into the house and start on our mission of getting the house cleaned up and pack up for our vacation with Oma. I pray to not encounter traffic jams and for safety on the road. Within an hour we are ready to go. Lael falls alseep as soon as we drive off and I hope she stays sleep for the rest of the drive.
Lael wakes up an hour into the drive. Nothing soothes her and I have no choice but to pull over for a nursing and potty break. I am tired of driving and still have another 2 hours to go. Having you drive all the time has me soft on having to drive long distances. Usually I would be able to go to sleep during those three hours. As I strap Lael back into her car seat and whisper another prayer and we are on the road again. Little lady complains for a bit but finally drifts back off to sleep.
It feels good to have my sister and mother around as we reach Omas home. I am thankful that we've made it before midnight and most of all that we've made it safe.

362 days to go

Yes, the countdown has begun and right now I am loving it. I knew the deployment was unavoidable and now that it has started, I choose to see it as ending. In 362 days.

I am spending most of my morning with you on the computer. What a different it makes to be able to talk to you and share things with you. As always, you share words of wisdom and compassion. I love you!


Tyrell has a very creative day and build himself a robot. He uses two cars to build it on so the robot can actually move around.

I have prayed for a Word of encouragement from the Lord and as we sit down for lunch and I pull out my bible He answers me. We read Isaiah 37.

⁹ Now Sennacherib received a report that Tirhakah, the king of Cush,^[a] was marching out to fight against him. When he heard it, he sent messengers to Hezekiah with this word: ¹⁰ “Say to Hezekiah king of Judah: Do not let the god you depend on deceive you when he says, ‘Jerusalem will not be given into the hands of the king of Assyria.’ ¹¹ Surely you have heard what the kings of Assyria have done to all the countries, destroying them completely. And will you be delivered? ¹² Did the gods of the nations that were destroyed by my predecessors deliver them—the gods of Gozan, Harran, Rezeph and the people of Eden who were in Tel Assar? ¹³ Where is the king of Hamath or the king of Arpad? Where are the kings of Lair, Sepharvaim, Hena and Ivvah?” 

Funny, how some people will taunt us and try to destroy every hope from us....

¹⁴ Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it. Then he went up to the temple of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD. ¹⁵ And Hezekiah prayed to the LORD: ¹⁶ “LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. ¹⁷ Give ear, LORD, and hear; open your eyes, LORD, and see; listen to all the words Sennacherib has sent to ridicule the living God.

 ¹⁸ “It is true, LORD, that the Assyrian kings have laid waste all these peoples and their lands. ¹⁹ They have thrown their gods into the fire and destroyed them, for they were not gods but only wood and stone, fashioned by human hands. ²⁰ Now, LORD our God, deliver us from his hand, so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you, LORD, are the only God.”

Now that's the attitude to have! You go,Hezekiah!

²¹ Then Isaiah son of Amoz sent a message to Hezekiah: “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: Because you have prayed to me concerning Sennacherib king of Assyria, ²² this is the word the LORD has spoken against him:

   “Virgin Daughter Zion
   despises and mocks you.
Daughter Jerusalem
   tosses her head as you flee.
²³ Who is it you have ridiculed and blasphemed?
   Against whom have you raised your voice
and lifted your eyes in pride?
   Against the Holy One of Israel!
²⁴ By your messengers
   you have ridiculed the Lord.
And you have said,
   ‘With my many chariots
I have ascended the heights of the mountains,
   the utmost heights of Lebanon.
I have cut down its tallest cedars,
   the choicest of its junipers.
I have reached its remotest heights,
   the finest of its forests.
²⁵ I have dug wells in foreign lands^[c]
   and drunk the water there.
With the soles of my feet
   I have dried up all the streams of Egypt.’

 ²⁶ “Have you not heard?
   Long ago I ordained it.
In days of old I planned it;
   now I have brought it to pass,
that you have turned fortified cities
   into piles of stone.
²⁷ Their people, drained of power,
   are dismayed and put to shame.
They are like plants in the field,
   like tender green shoots,
like grass sprouting on the roof,
   scorched before it grows up.

 ²⁸ “But I know where you are
   and when you come and go
   and how you rage against me.
²⁹ Because you rage against me
   and because your insolence has reached my ears,
I will put my hook in your nose
   and my bit in your mouth,
and I will make you return
   by the way you came....

³³ “Therefore this is what the LORD says concerning the king of Assyria:

   “He will not enter this city
   or shoot an arrow here.
He will not come before it with shield
   or build a siege ramp against it.
³⁴ By the way that he came he will return;
   he will not enter this city,”
            declares the LORD.
³⁵ “I will defend this city and save it,
   for my sake and for the sake of David my servant!”

 ³⁶ Then the angel of the LORD went out and put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand in the Assyrian camp. When the people got up the next morning—there were all the dead bodies! ³⁷ So Sennacherib king of Assyria broke camp and withdrew. He returned to Nineveh and stayed there.

 ³⁸ One day, while he was worshiping in the temple of his god Nisrok, his sons Adrammelek and Sharezer killed him with the sword, and they escaped to the land of Ararat. And Esarhaddon his son succeeded him as king. 

Yup, our God is BAD!

Lael takes her first bath after you have left and even though I dreaded this moment and expect her full wrath, she barely cries and seems to almost enjoy the water at the end. 

I guess it is not as bad afterall....

Is this WATER???

Mommy wins just this time...

After her bath Lael is ready to be presented to the world on a walk. She refuses to go to sleep and holds on tight to the stroller.

I know what you are up to and I don't like it!

Junior spends his days mostly sitting on the couch like an old man with a blanket wrapped around his legs... just like this..

He is still sulking from his operation that saved his life...


As I get to see your face on the web cam this evening Isaiah runs outside as I say that I can see you. His Daddy Daddy cries ring in my ear and I am unsure if I should cry or laugh. Everyone has so much they want to share with you and the little ones start writing letters and color pictures. I hope you know you are the most loved man in the world.

A lesson from the sparrows....

Getting up is a lot easier today. Lael sleeps in while I am determined to start my day right. I remember the email Carla sent me a long time ago and today I am reading it as part of my devotional.


Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise [again]; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me.
Micah 7:8


I smile. As always my God is on time. He receives me as He has done before.


Romans 14:4 And he shall stand and be upheld, for the Master (the Lord) is mighty to support him and make him stand.


He is mighty to make us stand.


As I pray I know He hears me. This will be a good day. I can tell....


As I sit outside I watch the little bird family living under our roof. Mama bird is teaching her birdlings to fly. I remember: But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.

I take a deep breath and take the Lord by His Word. Here is a picture of our little baby bird. This is the bird we have heard for a long time calling for food to their mama.

Matthew 10:29
Are not two little sparrows sold for a penny? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's leave (consent) and notice.
Fear not, then; you are of more value than many sparrows.Luke 12:6
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And [yet] not one of them is forgotten or uncared for in the presence of God.
But [even] the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be struck with fear or seized with alarm; you are of greater worth than many [flocks] of sparrows.

The kids are having ice cream with Oma, enjoying the sun and the pool. Lael and I are swinging together.


 PSALM 112:4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright...

As my mother leaves tonight, I am at peace. I pray for you. For peace and strength. For protection and wisdom. Choose your fights wisely. And learn from the sparrow like I did today. God is faithful. I nurse Lael to sleep and am blessed enough to get to speak to you online for a couple of minutes. I hope I spend the few minutes wisely I have with you. As I lay myself down tonight I know that though being apart from you is tough, we will only grow closer. All for the faithful God we serve....

Day 1

As I wake up I feel the lack of your presence even more. It is Saturday. Our weekend. You are supposed to be home today. We wanted to have a bbq for Junior. I sigh and stare at Isaiah and Lael. Wondering how far you have traveled already I get out of bed.

Today I will keep myself busy. Busy cleaning. Busy doing laundry. Busy. Simply busy. I shudder because I am painfully aware of not having spent any time with the Lord in a while. What was I thinking? Not having an audience with the King Who is the only One to carry me through this right before you leave. I say my prayers and start the day.

Lael needs lotion for the diaper rash she has. On my way to the pharmacy the breaks seem to give out on me. Worried I pull up at a garage and ask them to have a look. He shakes his head and tells me that I can no longer drive the van because the breaks are iron on iron. I thank God for keeping us safe all this time in a vehicle that doesnt have any breaks. Now I have to wait until Tuesday to get the van back. I take it as the hand of God and trust that He has a reason why I can't leave right away to stay with my mother for a while. I call Oma and ask her to bring bags so I can clean the van out of all of our camping gear and trash we still have left. After filling four huge bags with our belongs the van is finally empty. 

Taking a break from the cleaning I sit outside and sigh to my mother " has it always been this hard or is it truly harder this time? I can't remember..?" She assures me it is always this hard. I am not convinced.

Thank God for Oma! She helps us get the pool cleaned out of the weird looking creatures that moved in while we were on our camping trip. I watch with Lael in my hands as they start a water fight with the hoses. The boys are shreeking and start laughing hysterically. Oma and Tyrell move the sandbox to make room for the pool where the sandbox used to stand. The swing still comes unhooked. I think we need to move the swingset.

I receive your message I AM SAFE. Thank you Lord.

Tonight I am looking forward to going to bed. It brings me a day closer to our reunion. And Lael who needs you to walk her around in order to go to sleep fell asleep soundly in my arms tonight. Thank you Jesus.

Leaving

I guess the most dreaded part about saying bye and dropping you off is the home coming part. I am sitting in the driveway and stare at our front door. Painfully aware that you wont be home and wont come home for a long time I get out of the car and take a deep breath. This is the moment when our home becomes my enemy. I swallow hard and tell myself to be strong for my boys. As I pull Lael out of her car seat I get a climps at our sons. Junior is smiling at me as if he wants to encourage me, Israel is still complaining and crying that God did not say yes to his prayers of leaving you home, not having to go to Afghanistan. We make our way into the stairway and my gaze falls on the shoes, papers and uniforms you left behind. Looking at each other we agree to go straight to bed. Afterall, it is 1 am. And yet, I haven't made my most dreaded way yet. Our bedroom seems to be laughing at me as I walk in. Has this room always been this big? I hold on to Lael tightly and look at Isaiah who has made his way happily to the bed. At least I wont be alone tonight......